Of trying to be enough. Of trying to keep on. Of trying to be everything. As everyone has a personal demon. Dedicated to selfish care. Keeping the world a lonely place.
I know I am free. At last. As I no longer care to be found or seen. As those who found me, truly seeked me. And those who saw me, truly looked. .
Best thing about not being loved. Is that when you hear it the last time. You know it‘s the last time.
It is a fact. Entropy always wins. In thermodynamics. In life. In self love. In love for others. In love from others. The unavailability of energy in the system at some point always shows up and spins it all into disorder. At some point we simply can no longer fight the gradual decline of self […]
We lost a mother in our family today. We also lost a story. A voice. A life waiting to be found. We mourn because we know we did not care enough. When she lived her story, spoke her voice and sent her smoke signals into a deaf world. Maybe we will take enough care next […]
There is a place I did not know existed. A place I found through pain. Extensive pain. Not through accepting the pain. But through rebelling against it and not believing it existed. And fighting it. And feeling it. And travelling with it. Over many years. That place, that horrible place, which you only reach by […]
It is funny isn’t it? You work hard to keep ‘em doors closed. And then one opens because the flow has to flow. And you know you will fight for months to shut it back up. As the energy is the energy. It has not died. It‘s always just on the other side of the […]
I used to believe that forgiveness was the ignitor for many of my new starts. I used to believe that retries and resets would always find a better way. I used to believe in human kindness as the oxygen to my suffocating soul and unconditional love the blood supply to my heart. By God, I […]
There is a place. Between lack of selfrespect. And lack of selflove. That is so fundamental to my core. Where even the demons are afraid to go. But yet I find myself. Negotiate with the devil there. As if I will make it out this time. Restored.
I learnt moving on means giving to get. No free lunch in moving on. No discount. No buying two for the price of one. No shortcuts. Moving on comes at a premium. It meant giving up hope for acceptance. It meant giving up excited anticipation for weary realisation. It meant giving up passion for protection. […]