Of trying to be enough. Of trying to keep on. Of trying to be everything. As everyone has a personal demon. Dedicated to selfish care. Keeping the world a lonely place.
We lost a mother in our family today. We also lost a story. A voice. A life waiting to be found. We mourn because we know we did not care enough. When she lived her story, spoke her voice and sent her smoke signals into a deaf world. Maybe we will take enough care next […]
There is a place. Between lack of selfrespect. And lack of selflove. That is so fundamental to my core. Where even the demons are afraid to go. But yet I find myself. Negotiate with the devil there. As if I will make it out this time. Restored.
I don’t care in halves. I don’t love in halves. I am an all-in-boots-and-all. Or not-at-all. The magic lies in choosing. Who gets the boot.
What happens when the magic is gone? The continuous fight for care is surrendered for peace of mind. The continuous need for love is accepted as never to be fulfilled. And the experience of rejection becomes part of your armour. With the magic gone. I am completely prepared for the end war brings.
It may have been the continuous inconsistency? Perhaps the consistent disingenuity? Maybe the mock of care? Or the subtle cloaked disrespect? That for many years I chose not to see. That got me done. But by God. Am I relieved to know I am finally done.
I am at that age where I realise I no longer seek acceptance. Or kindness. Or care. Or love. From others. As I learnt to find it from within. What a journey it was to trust this reliable source from within.
It is so. It will always be so. Me reaching. You not. It is so. It will always be so.
I made it. I feel it in my bones. I am stronger. I am wiser. I am happier. I am free. I accept that my abundant care was naive. As it was ridiculed a masquerade of the stereotype of crazy only a woman is perceived to be. Now, looking back, i am thankful. For the […]